It’s hard to believe that 2 years ago, I was moving out and filing for divorce.
Life now looks much different, it’s filled with joy, creativity, and laughter. Days are not perfect and my ex is still difficult and really has no communication skills, but he isn’t super involved, so it’s not a big deal.
The twins are almost 3. ALMOST 3. It’s crazy. I feel like everyday they are getting easier and easier. Parenting is still hard with them and a 4 year old (who has ALL THE SASS), but parts of it are still easier. I’ve reached milestones I thought we would never reach. for example: yesterday my friend came over with her kid who just finished kinder. I put the puddle jumpers on my kids. All the kids swam and played in the pool- We were watching them every moment-BUT I DIDN’T HAVE TO GET IN THE POOL. My friend and I laid on the deck and watched the kids and talked. It was so fun. The kids had fun and I had fun with my friend. We gave the kids lunch and then they all went up to the playroom and played. It felt so good to know they will come get me, if they need something and I don’t feel the need to hover anymore.
Me? Well, I’ve finished all my course work for my 2nd masters, and I’m just doing practicum stuff now. I am working in a partial hospitalization program/intensive outpatient program for kids 5-18. It’s a sink or swim situation. I think it will be really good for me professionally and personally. I’m considering going back to get a 3rd masters because I’m a glutton for punishment. It’s only 4 more classes, and then I would have a masters in Marriage and Family counseling, Professional Counseling, and Christian Education and Counseling. I WOULD HAVE ALL THE DEGREES. So, that’s my current dilemma. Such a nice difference from my previous dilemmas.
Father’s day is coming up. It’s a hard day for me. I go to church and play in the worship band. I play almost every week, and they have no other keyboard player, so I rarely take a week off. It’s hard to go to church and hear about how wonderful dad’s are, and how we should appreciate them. Don’t get me wrong- I myself have the most wonderful dad on the planet. HE IS THE BEST. My kids do not. It’s hard for me to sit there and not be angry at God that my kids don’t have what I have, and what some other kids have.
SO I’M NOT DOING IT
That’s right- I’m not going to church. My dad is out of town, so I will celebrate him when he gets back, but I’m going to a spa. That’s right, I found a good deal, my child support just increased, so HAPPY FATHER’S DAY TO ME. I am going to enjoy a facial, massage, and pedicure. So tomorrow I will be having church in my own way. I think that we have to look at the nature of God, and I think he is okay with me needing space tomorrow and doing something for myself.