Here I am, alone on New Year’s Eve, sitting in bed at 10pm getting ready to go to sleep. I’m thinking about all the things that happened this year. This year kicked my ass, but if I’m being honest, I feel like I kicked it’s ass in return.
It kicked my ass.
- My stress levels are through the roof, I don’t sleep much
- I went to court 3 times for divorce hearings
- I finally got divorced on Dec 27th (judge signed the papers and all)
- I have a low self-image view.
- I’ve been battling depression all year
- My son began having developmental delays
I kicked it’s ass
- I took and completed 8 graduate courses and got A’s in every single one of them
- I got divorced
- I elimated toxic products from my life
- I work out 3 times a week
- I have a better relationship with food (minus this holiday season)
- I survived
- My kids survived
- My son is kicking his delays in the butt. He is working hard.
Overall I feel like the working out has helped me psychologically cope with all the stress. I still struggle though. For example today, I asked my ex to not take the kids to a certain place (cause GERMS). They have been sick since Thanksgiving and I really want them to be better by the time they go back to school. He lied to me. I lost it. It’s stupid, and I am still fuming about it. I hope that one day I will be able to let these things roll off, and I have to remember that once a liar always a liar. He is not going to change. He took them there against my urging him not to, and this was after he switched his time cause he had “new year eve’s” plans. I had plans to be married and not living with my parents at the age of 31. Kids change things and you have to adjust. I know I need to give myself time, and I need to continue working on forgiving him. I’m scared I’ll never get there. I will be this bitter old woman who held onto hurt and abuse her whole life, and never allowed herself to be happy again, punishing myself for making such a poor choice in a partner.
So what I am hoping for in 2018
- Workout 4 times a week or more. Move intentionally everyday
- yell less at my kids
- cope/deal with my crazy ex husband better
- Pass the NCE and begin work as a LPC
- Continue my self-care journey
- play more music